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Sunday, November 25, 2012

Friday, November 23, 2012

Fits Of Rage By Dr. Larry Ollison (Relating To The Earlier Domestic Violence Post)

Fits of Rage

For 6,000 years, history has been written and rewritten by the victor. Throughout the ages, as battles were fought and won, the surviving army recorded history from their viewpoint. Their words were meticulously thought through and arranged before they were written. If they were recorded incorrectly, the manuscript was destroyed and it was rewritten. Many true historical moments were lost forever because the words of the defeated were rarely recorded.

Today we live in a different world. Our lives are recorded. Our texts and voice messages are digitally recorded and stored indefinitely. Because of the threat of terrorism against innocent people, schools, churches, and most public buildings have security cameras and recorders, inside and outside, recording every action and word.

Years ago, if you had a fit of anger and lashed out with your words, you could possibly get away with it because it was only recorded in the minds of those who heard it. But in the last few years of recorded history, you can’t. Times have changed.

When telephone answering machines were new technology, I had a friend who would talk to them. If someone made him angry, he would return their call. If they didn’t answer, when the answering device picked up, he would let loose on them and his violent message was recorded. Later, when he calmed down, he would regret what he had said. But it was too late. The words were recorded.

Recently, I counseled a couple who was having marital problems. It all came to light when he accidentally left a message for his girlfriend on his wife’s phone. Of course, he did not intend for his wife to hear it, but his words were recorded whether he wanted them to be or not. He went to great lengths to keep his wife from finding the message, but he couldn’t erase his words.

What many Christians don’t understand is that their words contain power whether they are recorded or not. Because words are spirit (John 6:63), they can produce life or death. Heard or unheard, words are recorded in the realm of the spirit. The Bible tells us very clearly that death and life are in the power of the tongue. (Prov. 18:21). Thus, the words spoken from the heart by a believer can create or destroy.

Proverbs 14:17 tells us that a quick-tempered man does foolish things, but in verse 29 it says that a patient man has great understanding. I have been told through the years that when someone is quick-tempered, we should always take that into consideration during their moments of anger. Being quick-tempered does not give you a free pass with your words, nor does it change their judgment. Jesus said, “By your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matt. 12:37). He did not add the phrase, “Unless you are quick-tempered.” I’ve actually had people tell me, “I was angry when I said that, so that doesn’t count.” That statement is not the truth, it is deception.

The Bible has a lot to say about hot-tempered people and none of it is good! Many marriages, families, and churches have been divided and destroyed because of the words of a quick-tempered person. A quick-tempered person reading this might say, “But I just can’t help myself. It’s just the way I am.” Again, more deception!

The truth is there is no excuse for being hot-tempered and the Bible says in many places that we should refrain from anger and that we should turn away from wrath. (Ps. 37:8 for instance). We’re told in Proverbs 12:16 that a person who immediately expresses their annoyance at something is a fool, but that a prudent man overlooks an insult. Again, Proverbs 14:16 tells us that a fool is hotheaded and the next verse says that a quick-tempered man does foolish things. (vs. 17.)

It’s also interesting that the Bible warns us about the result of quick, harsh words. In Proverbs 15, it tells us that these words stir up anger and dissension. One of the most respected people in Bible times was a warrior, a soldier, who could conquer the enemy. But in Proverbs 16:32 we are told that a man who controls his temper and who is patient is greater than a warrior who takes a city. Proverbs goes on to say that a man who uses restraint with his words is a man of knowledge and only an even-tempered man has true understanding. (Prov. 17:27.)

In Proverbs chapter twenty, it says that a man who avoids strife should be honored because it’s only a fool that is quick to quarrel. (vs. 3.) Not only is self-control one of the nine parts of the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:23), but the Bible tells us that a man who lacks self-control is like a city with broken down walls. (Prov. 25:28). In other words, the enemy cannot be stopped from invading and plundering his house.

There are many instances in the Bible where it gives descriptions of a fool and a wise man and it shows the differences between them. But it is no clearer anywhere than Proverbs 29:11 where it says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” (NIV)

When writing to the church at Ephesus, the apostle Paul said, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths” (Eph. 4:29 NIV). He went on to say we should get rid of rage and anger and that we should be kind and compassionate. Otherwise, it will grieve the Holy Spirit of God. (Eph. 4:30-32.)

In his letter to the Colossians, Paul admonished them to rid themselves of five things. The first was anger, and the second was rage. (Col. 3:8.) Obviously, it had been revealed to Paul that anger and rage were enemies of the Church and would open the door to destruction.

Sadly, most people who live their lives having fits of rage do not see themselves the way others see them. Because many times they control themselves in public, they have the false assumption that their anger and rage is under control. But their family and close friends see them differently. They know the truth and live their lives walking on eggshells, constantly tense because the fit of rage can be ignited by the smallest spark.

Over the years, I have counseled several people who seemed to be grounded in the Word of God and were involved in community and church activities. While everything seemed well and orderly on the outside, their home life was completely different.

In one instance, a woman was knocked unconscious, and her husband’s response was, “It was an accident. All I did was push her.” But upon being examined at the local hospital, it was discovered that she had several healed fractures that could only have occurred through years of physical abuse. I will never forget her telling me of all the broken items in their home. I asked her why she had never mentioned this to her friends, nor even hinted at her husband’s fits of anger and rage until it could no longer be hidden. Her response was startling. She said, “He’s a good man. He loves the Lord and I would never want to do anything that would hurt his ministry.”

As the years passed, I heard through a mutual friend that this couple had divorced and nobody could figure out why. But deep inside, I felt I knew. His wife had taken all she could take. As he broke material things in their house on occasion, he was also breaking his wife’s spirit, and eventually broke his marriage.

Paul told the Ephesians to “Be angry and do not sin” (Eph. 4:26). How is that possible? In the same way that Jesus was angered by the unholy acts of the merchants in the temple, we too should be angered at the works of the enemy.

I saw an old movie depicting Jesus and the temple merchants. In the movie, Jesus saw them merchandising and in a fit of rage, ran at them, grabbed a whip, and beat them relentlessly, chasing them out of the temple. It may be good theatrics, but it’s not scriptural.

The Bible tells us that after Jesus saw their merchandising, He took the time to braid a whip and then, in full knowledge of what He was doing and in full control, He turned over their tables and told them to get out of the temple. (Matt. 21:12.) Jesus was never out of control and neither should we be out of control. Red-faced anger, accompanied by stomping, throwing, and hitting, is definitely not in line with the character of our Father.

James, the brother of Jesus, who was the pastor of the church in Jerusalem, wrote to his congregation and told them that their anger would not bring about the righteous life that God desired for them to live. (James 1:19-20).

Of course, there is much more that could be said about this. But the conclusion is quite evident. A Christian should not be given to fits of rage, but should walk in the fruit of the Spirit, which includes patience and self-control. Anything else is not of God and is sin.

Anger is a by-product of fear. Perfect love casts out fear. (1 John 4:18.) God has empowered us with His grace to soar above the works of the flesh and as we develop our walk of love, fits of anger and rage will fade away.

Kimi on Myspace

Kimi on Myspace

I no longer have access to this old blog.. someone hacked it and I can't get back in.  But some great stuff on here!

Top Ten Gifts 2012